Doctor Holy Hotness (50 Shades of Grey's Anatomy Book 4) Read online

  Next to us was a bottle of lube, so I leaned over to grab it, then flipped open the top with one hand, giving myself a generous amount.

  “Keep rubbing yourself,” I said. “I promise I’ll go slow.”

  And I did. Reaching around, I worked one, then two fingers into her tight, untouched, puckered opening, all while fucking her. It took a few times, but soon enough I was able to time my thrusts, pistoning her through both channels. I fucking loved ass play and wanted to start breaking her in.

  I was going to have to take it slow with her. Jenny admitted earlier in the weekend she’d never done anything anal, and I’d be a lying sack of shit if I didn’t admit that the idea of being her first in that way…it made me even harder just thinking about it. I was already picturing her wearing a pretty plug I picked out just for her, maybe one with a jewel at the end. I’d train her ass, increasing the sizes over time, until she was ready to take me without pain. Only pleasure.

  “Alex, that’s it,” she cried out. Her pussy was tightening around me, the pleasure the most exquisite I’d ever experienced, barreling down my spine, building pressure.

  “Fuck!” I called out, my whole body spasming in a beautiful wave of feeling, making me push both my fingers and my cock even deeper into her.

  And that’s when she came hard, a primal scream rocketing through us, milking the last of my orgasm out of me.

  “Holy shit, did that just happen?” she asked, breathing hard, a thin sheen of sweat glistening across her skin. I didn’t respond with words, but I had my arm wrapped around her so I gave her shoulder a squeeze, tucking her even closer to my body.

  We were spent, unable to move for the longest time. Everything I had was left in that bed. From there, our life together was born, the future brand new.

  It was the last time I remember ever being completely happy.

  Chapter Five

  JENNY

  When we had fully recovered, we decided to go for it. No need to prolong the inevitable. It was time to open the envelopes containing our fate.

  So we both climbed out of bed and rummaged through our clothes to find them. We had our envelopes in hand, sitting naked across from each other. That didn’t mean I didn’t say a little prayer before we went any further.

  “On the count of three?” I asked.

  He nodded.

  I started. “One.”

  “Two,” he said.

  “Three,” we said together, ripping through the envelopes.

  Once I had the letter out, I scanned the contents.

  It was really good news.

  I had gotten into an exemplary program, one of the best in the country. I knew others in my graduating class who would maim their own mothers for a chance like the one I had in my hands.

  So why was the bed beneath me crumbling into a million pieces?

  I looked up, tears rimming my eyes. He took the letter out of my hand and skimmed it, a resigned expression on his face.

  “So, Stanford University?” he said on an exhale.

  “Yeah…and you?” My throat tightened up.

  He pressed his lips tight, into a thin line. “Does it matter?”

  You’re killing me here, handsome. “C’mon, where?” I asked.

  “New York.”

  I let out a sigh. “That’s a really good program, especially for ortho surgery.”

  “Yeah, I know.” His expression had not one ounce of joy.

  Oh God, what now?

  “So, I guess that’s it?” I half asked, half stated.

  He was leaning with his back against the headboard, the sheet covering his legs and lap. He snatched my letter out of my hand and flung both his and mine across the room.

  “Now, why would you go and do that for?” I asked.

  He reached out his hand. “Come here, Jenny.”

  I didn’t hesitate. I crawled across the bed and straddled his lap, his arms immediately wrapping around me. I laid with my left ear directly over his heart, listening to its thundering beat. It was like his chest was a sea shell, and bringing it close to my ear, I could hear the echoing ocean waves. One of his hands started rubbing up and down my spine, soothing me like I was little.

  This was our cocoon, feeling love for him right along the edges.

  “We have six weeks left until graduation,” he said, petting my hair.

  I nodded.

  “And there’s part of the summer,” he went on.

  Crap, I guess he didn’t read the last paragraph.

  “Honey, mine starts two days after graduation.”

  His frame went solid, and his hands stopped moving across my skin.

  “What the hell… Residencies are supposed to start at the beginning of July,” he said.

  I let out a harsh breath. “Usually, but this one doesn’t.” I was talking into his chest, savoring his scent, already trying to memorize it.

  He grumbled. “All right, well, that sucks, but I’ll come to California until mine starts.”

  I sat up. “How do you suppose that’s going to work?”

  “Well, I know you’ll be swamped, but that’s okay. I’ll take whatever time you have,” he said with the sweetest smile, breaking my heart already.

  “And then you go back to New York, and I stay in Palo Alto. We are across the country from each other.”

  He stared. “What are you saying, Jenny? That you want to stop what’s happening between us? That you don’t want to even try?”

  I shook my head. “It’s been one weekend, one long, perfect, unicorn-magic weekend, and I’m already shredded. What am I supposed to do when you leave after six weeks, and then on and off until the end of our residencies?”

  His eyes got soft. “Jenny, it’s not like residencies last forever,” he said, rubbing up and down my arms. “It’ll suck, being long distance, but you’re worth it to me.”

  He says that now, but he’ll meet someone else. And it won’t take long. Meanwhile, you’ll have a broken heart and a brain that’s been rendered useless. People flunk out of residencies all the time. And then what? You’ll have nothing.

  “I’m starting to really fall for you, Alex.”

  “Good, because I’m already in love with you.”

  My lips parted. A ringing started in my left ear. “What did you say?”

  “I love you,” he repeated. Not a second of hesitation. “I know it’s soon. I also know I do not give one fuck about that. It’s going to be you and me, from now on.”

  “There’s a lot you don’t know about me,” I said, looking down.

  “That’ll change. We just need time. I want to learn everything about you.”

  He pulled us down into the bed. “Let’s sleep. We’ll have clearer heads in the morning. I promise.”

  I did as I was told, cuddling next to him, like spoons. Soon enough, his breathing slowed. Eventually, mine followed, but it took a long time.

  We slept like death, together.

  The next morning, I woke up with my heart slamming against my chest, not able to calm down or catch my breath, but I didn’t make a sound. I was afraid to wake him.

  Who was I kidding? I was terrified of facing him. So I let my inner coward write him a letter.

  My dearest Alex,

  I grew up reading romance novels, something my nana encouraged. She loved me beyond reason, had wanted me to believe that fairy tales could come true. She was proud of my accomplishments, but I think she was afraid I was going to die a workaholic, without much of a life outside of medicine.

  She would have loved you. You are everything she would have hoped for me. I must admit, when you approached me on Match Day, I thought I must be hallucinating from lack of sleep. Because how could a man out of a dream be coming up to me, asking me to dinner?

  Every moment since then has been beyond anything I could have imagined.

  I only wish we had met later.

  I know you believe we can do this—the waiting, the traveling back and forth, dealing with the longing. Bu
t I know myself well, and I cannot do all that and expect to excel throughout my residency. I would get lost in all that is you. You are the right person at the wrong time.

  I beg you to let this go. Let me go. Because as much as I want you, I’ve dreamed of being a doctor my whole life. I am so very close. I cannot get distracted now. You are wonderful, everything I could hope for in a man, but a beautiful distraction nonetheless.

  You will forget about me in time, but know I will never forget about you.

  With love,

  Jenny

  Every word of it was true. But that didn’t mean I shared everything.

  What I left out was that I didn’t feel worthy of someone like him. I was the poor girl who struggled for everything. I was smart, but I still had to study twice as hard and long as everyone else. Having someone as wonderful as him didn’t happen to someone like me.

  Even harder to admit to myself: I didn’t want a lifetime of looking over my shoulder. What if we did keep going, and someday, we actually got married? I would get to experience a happiness like I’d never dared to imagine. But eventually, the inevitable would happen. It wouldn’t be all at once, but that didn’t mean I wouldn’t notice.

  I couldn’t bear someday walking into a room and wondering how many women at the party had slept with my husband. Maybe one of them would be honest and cruel enough to tell me exactly what they loved about him in bed.

  I may have survived some horrible circumstances in my early years, but that didn’t make me a survivor. I knew the kind of heart I had. It was not resilient.

  So I told him goodbye. And to not go looking for me.

  It wasn’t long before I saw his name flash across my phone. But I turned it off.

  From then on, I avoided his calls. Then, I changed my number to an unlisted one.

  I arranged to finish my last clinical rotation in California.

  I didn’t even attend my own graduation, although to be fair, no one was coming there for me anyway, so what was the point? My grandmother was the best and last of the Price family, and once she died I had no more desire for graduations or any other milestone event.

  It was the most cowardly thing I’d ever done. I didn’t blame him one bit if he hated me. I only hoped one day he may understand. Maybe not. All I knew was, I wasn’t going to align my life any differently for a man—even one as incredible as Alex. Not that I was making a direct comparison, but before my mom had met my dad, she’d never even had a drink or smoked a cigarette. She was in college, studying to be a nurse. She threw it all away for my dad, and look where that got her. Alex may not be a junkie, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t get addicted to him. One way or another, a woman paid a price for loving a man too much. If I had learned anything outside of med school, that I knew for sure.

  Chapter Six

  PRESENT DAY

  JENNY

  “Here ya go, one soy latte with an extra shot and mint cream.”

  “Thanks, Gabs,” I said, moving my paperwork off the chair next to me in order for her to sit down. It was time for our weekly physician staff meeting.

  “I get looks every time I place your drink order, by the way,” she said, pretending to give me crap. I took the cup, blowing on the magic brew through the lid’s mouthpiece.

  “They know it’s for me,” I said. “The advantage of having an Ozo Coffee on the hospital’s ground floor.”

  “Girl, why do you think I took this job?” She was teasing. She took the job because the hospital board threw a boatload of cash her way, luring her away from Yale New Haven Hospital. She stayed, in part, because of me.

  I smiled, bumping my shoulder with hers. Gabrielle Joseph was not just my colleague: she was my sister from another mister. She was also one kick-ass physician. I met her on my first day of work here a few years ago, and that was it. We were best friends from then on out.

  “All right, ladies and gentlemen. Let’s get started,” the hospital chief said. “We have a lot to cover, but first, even though he’s not here yet—I think Ashley from HR is keeping him for some paperwork—I would like to introduce you to a new addition to our lil work family.”

  “Yeah, I bet she’s keeping him all to herself,” Gabby whispered under her breath.

  I bit my lip so I wouldn’t laugh. Ashley was known for trying to stake claim on all hot male employees…correction: all male physicians.

  “I’m sure he’ll be here any minute,” he went on. “Anyway, I must say, the hospital’s Board of Directors is beyond thrilled to welcome our new head of orthopedic surgery. He’s a Harvard Med grad, by the way, who completed his residency at NYU and his orthopedic fellowship through the Mayo Clinic. He was the head of New England Patriots’ Orthopedic Care team…”

  Just then, the door to the conference room swung open.

  “Oh good, you’re here,” the hospital chief said, all smiles. “Everyone, allow me to introduce you to Doctor—”

  “Alex,” I breathed. “Alex Petrinov.”

  Everyone clapped as he made his way to the front of the room, confidence in every step. Wow, he was even more magnificent than I remembered.

  I had never been so grateful for having seats in the back.

  “What’s going on?” Gabby asked, keeping her voice low. “Your ears are red, and you look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

  That’s because I had. The one who haunted me for over ten years, with whispers of “what if” and “God, you were so stupid” ringing in my ears, haunting my dreams.

  “Thank you, everyone, for the warm welcome,” Alex said, his hands resting on his hips, casual and comfortable. He had a few gray hairs, but otherwise, he hadn’t changed too much. His presence invaded the room, and he had everyone’s attention.

  “Let’s go around the room and tell me your names. Do you mind? I can’t promise to remember them all, but I’d like to try.”

  Oh, dear God, please let the chief say no, that we don’t have time.

  “That’s a fine idea!” he said.

  Of course he said that.

  So everyone started introducing themselves, and, just as I remembered, he handled himself with ease, showing he appreciated the attention without being affected by it. I noticed his hair was a bit longer, curling at his collar, and his chest and shoulders were even broader.

  Gabby leaned in. “You know him?” she asked.

  “Um, yeah, you could say that,” I said, trying to hide behind a file folder.

  “You’re totally bugging, girl. What is up with you?”

  I gave her some side-eye, but I didn’t say anything. I could barely speak. I was freaking out.

  I was trying to remind myself to breathe, already lost inside my head, my heart pounding. I could feel her eyes on me, so of course, Gabby elbowed my side—hard.

  “Ow!” I loud-whispered.

  I was still hiding behind a file folder. Like a coward.

  “It’s your turn,” she mouthed.

  “Oh!” I said, peeking over the folder, only to find everyone’s eyes on me. Slowly, I lowered the file and I watched his beautiful, affable smile slide right off his face.

  “Hi, I’m Dr. Jennifer Price, head of radiation oncology. Welcome, Dr. Petrinov.”

  He didn’t say anything. In fact, he didn’t respond at all for what felt like eons.

  “Everything all right, Dr. Petrinov?” the chief asked, looking worried.

  He shook his head, as if he was trying to wake from a bad dream. “Yes, of course. It’s a pleasure to meet everyone. Thanks for the…” His eyes met mine. “Warm welcome.”

  “Okay, boys and girls…let’s get back to our agenda. It’s a long one.”

  It had been so many years since we had seen each other, long enough to know I had been a colossal dipshit back then. Long enough to know I had let the love of my life go without a fight.

  So what did I do to demonstrate my hard-fought maturity?

  I grabbed Gabby by her arm and exited through the back door. What can I say? Fight or flight
are basic instincts—and I had always favored the latter.

  I practically dragged her across the hospital, until I could be sure we would be alone, undisturbed, in a quiet vestibule. I was hauling ass so fast that Gabby had to break into a jog to keep up with me. She turned her head to make sure no one was around.

  “All right, Ms. Warm Welcome Committee. What was that about?”

  I grumbled—loudly. “I can’t believe he’s here…after all these years.”

  “You mean Dr. Holy Hotness back there?” she asked, her thumb pointing like a hitchhiker back toward the conference room.

  I met my friend’s eyes. “Remember when I told you about the insane weekend I had after Match Day?”

  Her tawny eyes widened. “The Russian god with the ten-inch cock?”

  Her just mentioning Alex’s anatomy made me ache between my legs. Like a phantom limb. Me seeing Alex, after all this time, made my heart hurt too.

  “I told you that?” I asked.

  “Um, yeah you did! You were super drunk at the time.” She laughed. “Isn’t he also the same guy who’d had a thing for you all four years of med school, but didn’t do anything about it ’til the last minute?”

  “Yeah, Gabby…he’s the one who was all that.”

  “Well girl, the one who got away has just made your hospital his new work home.”

  “Did you see the look on his face when he realized it was me?” I asked.

  She grimaced. “Hard to miss. Everyone in the hospital will know by lunch.”

  “Should I go talk to him?”

  She shrugged. “I don’t know what you should do, but I have a feeling a man like him isn’t going to let you slide back into your shell and get away—twice. And may I just say, for the record, you are a fool—letting a delicious man-tower like that out of your clutches. What were you thinking?”

  It was starting to hurt to breathe. I rubbed a spot in the center of my chest.

  “He wasn’t wearing a ring,” she added.

  “Pfft,” I said. “That doesn’t mean anything. Half the married doctors around here don’t wear one, either, especially the surgeons.”